I'm not dying

But I think I know how I am going to die when I do. I think I am going to have a titanic brain aneurysm where the blood comes out my ears. I do seem to have a good ability to spike my blood pressure pretty high and pretty fast, which ain't pretty. So that's the basis of why I am going to die that way. That, and I don't think that my death will be a fizzle, "oh he's gone now." kind of thing. It's not my style. It's going to more like, "Holy shit what the fuck happened here did some crazy carny shoot him in the head! Fuck! There is blood everywhere! Someone call the cops!" Jeez, knowing my luck it will happen while I'm on the toilet with a Playboy (for the articles) with my pants around my ankles and an unflushed toilet. That's depressing, so I'm voting for number 2. Not like it happening while I'm working on a #2, but #2 as in the second portrayal with the screaming and the carny hunt afterward. Not that a carny could take me out, and I don't allow garden gnomes anywhere near me after '98, so getting taken out by them is a long shot (and anyone who has used a carny gun to shoot out a paper star at one of their "fairs" know that their guns suck ass and can't hit anything.

I was thinking about putting in my will that after I die, to have my ass removed and cremated separately and the ashes from that baked into a pie and then the pie given the Dick Cheney. He probably get's a lot of pies. I want the rest of my ashes put in a paper bag (with "Dead body ashes" written on the bag with a sharpie), and put into a safe deposit box. And then my "tombstone" could be written on the back of a business card and put on the outside of the safety deposit box. It could say something like, here are the remains of a good agent of chaos who gave up his ass for a good cause. If you can think of any good tombstone sayings for me, feel free to throw them up in a comment.