Reposting, like recycling, is great for writers block

This was a blog entry that I feel is timeless. There are a few of them that I am really proud of, and this is one of them. Since it's been a year since I've posted this on a different blog, I feel no shame in reposting it. Hey! And you're lucky! How many other bloggers have "best of" postings?

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So, in my last blog, I referred to the 12 dwarfs. This confused many people, so let me take the time to explain a few things. First, while Disney only ever let 7 dwarfs onscreen with Snow White, there were really 13, like the Apostles of Jesus. 13!?!? you might be saying to yourself, but let's not forget what most biblical scholars already agree on, and that is that Mary Magdalene was an Apostle of Jesus. Anyone who want to argue that point, fuck off.

Anyway, there were 7 dwarfs with Snow White, and they are: Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, and Happy. It amazes me to this day that Disney Let Dopey on the set since he was such a raging heroin addict, but it is Hollywood no matter what the label. There was a female dwarf too, so that brings us to 8.

What about the other 5 you may ask? Well, lets just say they weren't Disney approved characters. Lets think of them like the 5 missing dwarfs, kind of in a similar fashion as the "5th Beetle". And for the first time, here they are:

Number 1 - Herpy. Yes, Herpy was a Herpes carrier. He got it off of a prostitute in Juarez. He had been hitting the local Tequila kind of hard one night, and he was ALWAYS a player, and things just happened (for $2 no less, god bless the prostitutes of Mexico for bringing happiness in at such a low price). Herpy never let any of his partners know ahead of time that he was a carrier, but being a dwarf, he didn't get laid much in Hollywood.

Number 2 - Jewy. Not to be in anyway antisemitic, but Jewy would never let any of the other dwarfs sell any of the jewels that the dwarfs dug up. He never let them spend any money, and he never let them eat any pork. He didn't believe in Christmas either, which was VERY bad for Disney. They wanted the Christmas toy sales, and having a dwarf that didn't believe in the magic of the Christmas gift dollar was just not a good thing for Disney.

Number 3 - Hippy. Unlike the other dwarfs, he quit the film before Disney even had a chance to drop him. He didn't believe in big corp, and Disney is a really big corporation. He thought that the other dwarfs were dumb ass stupid for selling out to Disney. Hippy ended up owning a string of juice bars in Arizona, and did a bit of local civic theatre on the side. He still smokes a TON of weed to this day, and still hates corporations and the government for keeping down the average Joe while killing the Earth.

Number 4 - Shitty. Shitty had two things going against him. First was his name. How can you market ANYTHING with the name Shitty? Second, he was a raging alcoholic. He had 4 DWI's before the film even started filming. Not that that would normally stop a Hollywood company, but he was also being arraigned for 2 homicides from 2 of the DWI's. Even though things hadn't gone to trial yet, Disney couldn't take a chance that he would not be acquitted. He was later caught trying to rob a liquor store, and became "the tiny bitch in cellblock 12". For a pack of smokes, he could bring you happiness just like some of the girls in Juarez.

Number 5 - Danny Devito. No shit, I am totally serious. Danny Devito is the 5th dwarf. Danny was too smart to fall for signing the Disney contract. He stuck with his own plan, and ended up with a role on the TV show "Taxi", did some great film work both acting and producing, and is one of the premier talents in Hollywood. Was he dumb to pass up the huge money that Disney was paying the dwarfs at the time? Hell no he wasn't. Because you still see him, and his work to this day. When do you see any of the others? Unless you are living on Cellblock 12 that is.

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So after reading this, not only was I laughing my ass off, I did find it kind of hard not to edit or add to the post. Like I totally didn't say anything about the female dwarf. I may not have ethical problems about reposting, but I do have a few issues with editing or adding to the reposts. For some reason it is unlike a comic who reuses the same material again and again. That's weird huh? And no, I'm not Dutch.