What to do, what to do...

So there you are, in your apartment trying to enjoy some nice TV when all of a sudden this insane banging threatens to drop the ceiling in from the apartment above. Your neighbor is getting lucky in a big way, but it's annoying for you because one, you AREN'T getting lucky, and two, you are just trying to watch some nice TV.

What to do, what to do...

First, don't bang on the ceiling, or go up and interrupt. That would set the stage for a bunch of badness that you will never recover from. Remember, god likes it when we orgasm and if you mess it up for something petty like watching TV, your genitals will fall off.

Do something creative. Go up immediately afterwards and offer them a plate of cookies. Or Gatorade, that would be very appropriate after something like that. If you have friends with you, score the event then go upstairs, knock on the door, and flip up the score cards.

Or go up afterwards and see if it's your turn yet.

See, there are lots of possibilities.

Haloween Costumes

I had a couple of good ideas for Halloween costumes this year. My first idea was to dress up as the Easter Bunny and go around with my basket of eggs and yell at people to "EAT MY EGGS DAMMIT! EVERY YEAR YOU TAKE THEM BUT YOU NEVER EAT THEM YOU LITTLE FUCKERS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TIME I SPEND MAKING THESE DAMN THINGS! ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!" Then when the kids run away I'd chase them and throw my eggs at them. Before you get all up in arms, it would be plastic eggs filled with candy, so that would make me a giver right?

The other idea I had was to dress up as a monkey. I figure you can get away with a LOT of crap if your dressed up as a monkey right? I'd carry around a lot of unwrapped Baby Ruth's and chuck them at people that pissed me off. I could hump anyone and anything I wanted too and people would be all, "Wow, that guy is really into the monkey thing."

Another idea I had would be to dress up as one of the 5 forgotten dwarfs. That would be good if you went as Herpy. You could hang out with an ex of your and tell everyone that meet that you are part of their package. I don't know how you'd dress up as Danny Devito, but that would be cool if you could pull it off. Did I post that blog entry about the 5 dwarfs? Shit, if I didn't this won't make any sense... Crap, I'm thinking and typing, and I can't stop! MARGRET THATCHER NUDE!


ok, that worked for that problem too. Need to remember that.


If I REALLY wanted to dress up in a scary costume I would of course dress up as a drunk carny. Yes, I know that is an oxymoron, but there it is. Then you could cuss out all of the little kids for running around, drink a little ripple out of a paper bag, and hurl corn dogs at people that mock you. Jeez, like a monkey you could get away with a lot things with that costume too.

These seem kind of boring though. What would be really spectacular? Giving out candy as Michael Jackson? That would be just plain wrong and not very funny. Although if you went as Michael Jackson, and a friend went as a catholic priest, that would be funny to see people's reactions.

I heard of someone dressing up as garden gnomes for Halloween. I wouldn't advocate that. That's a good way to get yourself shot, or hurled at random other things.

I could dress up as Oscar the Grouch! Wait, that might traumitize the little kids... I'm not cool with that.

Now going out with a friend as gay Bert and Ernie...